Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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