ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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