No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
