where am i from again
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
