Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
