How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
