I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
