Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so let's talk penis.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
