In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
