i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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