Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
