Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
no, he came in my armpit
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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