Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm passing your future prison.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
