If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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