i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
