chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
