Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
