If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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