i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I believe in your delicious
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
