You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
