i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
