please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
