I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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