How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
