he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
