Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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