i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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