It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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