I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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