I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
