Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Found your dick twin last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
