Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
