Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.

(425): View more from Washington

'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas

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(425): Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor. (425): 'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas http://tfl.nu/4u1g

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!

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(612): I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER! http://tfl.nu/epkg

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

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(414): it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth http://tfl.nu/rgv0

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(805): View more from California

It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"

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(805): It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!" http://tfl.nu/5h66

Replies (38) Good night (7156) Bad night (700)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....

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(201): Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me".... http://tfl.nu/dlub

Replies (22) Good night (6421) Bad night (809)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees

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(724): If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees http://tfl.nu/kant

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(301): View more from Maryland

just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.

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(301): just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom. http://tfl.nu/qack

Replies (30) Good night (5222) Bad night (980)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka

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(423): Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka http://tfl.nu/w8nb

Replies (9) Good night (1079) Bad night (3651)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

Oh God.

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(919): DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT??? (1-919): Oh God. http://tfl.nu/z02g

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(217): View more from Illinois

Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns

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(217): Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns http://tfl.nu/kqyl

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.

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(609): I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt. http://tfl.nu/9dqv

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,

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(413): Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you..., http://tfl.nu/l3w4

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear

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(719): I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear http://tfl.nu/cplq

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.

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(608): I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever. http://tfl.nu/xcdq

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(386): View more from Florida

The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.

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(386): The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband. http://tfl.nu/86hq

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