Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
ok first of all what the fuck
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
