I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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