His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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