Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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