I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
