the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
so much tequila, so little girl.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
