1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
did i just pee glitter
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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