You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
