guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
