You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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