for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
