he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
