I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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