we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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