True but thats because hes a fetus.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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