Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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