Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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