I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
