Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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