I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
we're so committed to being not committed
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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