1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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