Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
