hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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