you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You took a bar mat shot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
