Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
