Even the bartender felt bad for me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
