we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
