We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
