just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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