also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
